The Do's & Don't of TimeTravel
by Bertie-bop
Summary: Harry Potter is not the brightest bulb in the box -- nor the sharpest tool. But having his own mother fall heads over heels for him in a completely different time-zone!...Well that's just extremely crappy luck. TimetravelFic JP/LE


**Disclaimer:** Nothing is mine. _Bah_

**A/N:** This is my first HP fic, _so_ be GENTLE. It's a slight AU (or all AU) Dumbly-dore is alive in both times and Voldermort is too! _Oh _and if you can reveiw that would be simply _spiffy. _**The story starts with a Quidditch match that turns for the worse, please do not be confused. **

**Summary:** Harry Potter is not the brightest bulb in the box -- nor the sharpest tool in the box. But having his own mother fall heads over heels for him -- Well that just extremely crappy luck

**The do's and Don'ts of Time Travel**

**Chapter one**

A flash of lightening bleached the sky overhead.

An explosion – more powerful than thunder – rocked the air. A flash – more fierce than lightning – shocked the horizon. And its source was located far below, briefly illuminated by a zigzag of lightening; a vast podium, alive with activity and disorder, that even drowned out the heavy 'plunks' of rain, and whistling winds with their deafening cheers and boos.The sky was dark, as though night had come decidingly early, every sinister cloud stirring up ahead concealed potential danger, rain felt like needles on exposed skin, lashing the sea of umbrellas in the stands and every now and again shocking the skies with dazzling flashes of thunder that would rock the stadium.

A distant whistle weaved into the wind, it rose in pitch and and fourteen players shot upwards, the crowd exploded. Harry Potter rose like a rocket through the mist, swerving slightly off course in the gale, his robes snapping violently in his wake.

He was a skinny boy of seventeen with a crow's nest of black hair, now plastered to his forehead by the pearly droplets of rain, his thick bespectacled glasses sat crookedly atop of his nose and a gleaming captain badge (To match his gleaming lightning bolt scar), pinned to his strappingly puffed out chest. Gryffindors last chance to win the house cup before their star seeker left. It now rested on him to take Gryffindor to victory _and the weather_ he though grimly _could not have been more against him. _

He flew backwards and forwards across the pitch, past blurred red and green shapes, with little idea of what was happening through the rest of the game. He could _barely_ hear the booming commentary over the wind.

'—_And there OFF! - Weasley caught the Quaffle passes to – Damelza with the Quaffle – and she's ducked Warrington, she passed Montague, she's – ouch been hit from behind by a Bludger from Crabbe...Hard to see in the weather, but –'_

Harry zoomed higher, dodging a bludger, and set out on a wide lap of the pitch, gazing around through the dense rainfall for a glint of gold; on the other side of the stadium, Draco was doing the exact same thing.

'_- Montague catches the Quaffle, Montague heading back up the pitch and – nice Bludger from Jimmy Peakes- That's a Bludger to the head for Montague, not much damage done because there not much there anyway, he drops the Quaffle, caught by Damelza, who reverse- passes it to Alicia Spinnet – Dodges Warrington, avoids a Bludger – close call, Alicia – and Alicia passes to Ginny who heading into the Slytherin territory to score –She feints - SHE SHOOTS – SHE – SHE SCORES! - YES! – 10 points to GRYFFINDOR–'_

Harry was quickly beginning to lose track of time they were leading 50 points ahead and it was getting harder and harder to hold his broom straight. Twice Harry almost collided with another player, with no way off telling if it was an opponent or a team mate. He was now so wet and the rain was so thick, he could hardly tell anything apart, never mind catching the snitch and his robes were so heavy with rainwater that it was proving quite hazardous to manoeuvre in. Despite this he urged his broom on in the turbulent air, scanning in every direction desperately for the glint of gold, steering clear of a bludger, ducking Malfoy who was zooming off in the other direction and–-

There was another clap of thunder, followed imminently by a fork of lightening. It was getting more and more dangerous out here. Harry needed to find the snitch quickly if he didn't wanted to be barbecued. He flew fearlessly searching for the snitch as Bludgers pierced the clouds above him; underneath him chasers flitted in and out of view: the Quaffle a burgundy blur, flying from one player to another – and then something glimmered; the snitch. Harry heart stopped and at once his broom jetted off as if it had read his mind, closing fast on the tiny glimmering ball, he chased it through one cloud then another and another until he broke into a small clear patch of sky...

...only to find the Snitch was gone.

He cursed loudly, waving his fist to the scowling heavens. Angrily, he whipped his broom around and once again started the tedious search for the snitch, scouring the horizon frantically. Harry's eyes shifted left and right, trying to block out the incisive howling of the wind that was throwing him of his concentration as well as his broom. Then, from the corner of his eyes he saw the unmistakable gleam of platinum blonde hair streaking upward towards a golden glint that shimmered like a firefly under the dark underbelly of a cloud. His breath got caught in his throat. _No he couldn't let Malfoy get the snitch. Slytherin would only win over his dead body._

The snitch plummeted sensing Malfoy's presence, and Malfoy was quick to follow, in hot pursuit he trailed the hissing snitch downwards, executing a series of zigs, zags, loops and rolls, to avoid all the other airborne players who had stopped in mid-progress to watch. The Gryffindors watched horrified as Malfoy steadily closed onto the snitch, but Harry wasn't too far behind, his trusty Firebolt dipped and pulled into a speedy dive and he was promptly shoulder to shoulder with Malfoy battling to get ahead. And then a black bludger sent hurtling by Goyle cleaved a 

spacey gap between them both forcing Malfoy to fall behind and the snitch to zoom off again. Harry smirked.

The tiny fluttering ball was hovering feet from the ground at the Slytherin end of the pitch

Harry dived...

'_And Potter's seen the SNITCH! Malfoy not far behind catching up to Potter's Firebolt-It could easily be either team, though I'm personally think it's going to be a Gryffindor win, Potter only lost a record two matches since his first year-'_

Malfoy was catching up, a green and silver blur lying flat on his broom, discreetly, the blinding rain hiding his offence, he jarred his foot out and sent a sharp pain up Harry's side causing him to lose his heading and fall behind significantly...

The snitch scooted of towards the other sides of the stands; its sudden change of direction suited Malfoy who was nearer; Dazed and aching, Harry jerked his Firebolt around roughly and rocketed off into haze of heavy rain.

It was feet from the ground

'_-And Malfoy's closing in on the snitch – Potter's falling behind! WHAT A TURN OF EVENTS! if Potter wants to win the house cup, he needs to get a move on! Maybe this will be his third match lost!-'_

'Go! Go! Go!' He squinted in the downpour; the snitch was hovering tantalizingly close, just out of reach from Malfoy's hand. _No! Malfoy could not get that snitch_! Harry urged his broom onwards. They were gaining on Malfoy ... Harry flattened himself on his broom as another Bludger came whirling at him from nowhere... he was at Malfoy's ankles ... he was level – Harry flung himself forward, removing both hands off the broom. He elbowed Malfoy's hand out of the way and – stretching towards the snitch... to his left, Malfoy's arm extended too, reaching, groping...

Harry made a great swipe for the tiny, fluttering ball and caught it.

"—_AND POTTER'S CAUGHT THE SNITCH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!-GRYFFINDOR HAVE— '_

'YES!' Harry yelled: Wheeling around he pulled out of his dive, the snitch held tight in his hands, rain pounding endlessly on his slight frame. But he couldn't of care less; he had caught the snitch! His numbness bypassing into nothiness, he suddenly felt warm all over despite the harsh weather. Gryffindor had won! The stadium exploded. The tiny golden ball continued to thrash its silver wings hopelessly against his fingers. Ginny came speeding towards him, half-blinded in her euphoric state, she seized Harry around the neck and kissed him fully on the lips. Harry felt several thump on his back from Coote and Peakes; identical broad grins on their sopping wet faces, Ron pelted towards him capturing his back in a grateful hug.

Tangled within a many-limbed hug, the Gryffindor team yelled hoarsely together drenched to the bone '_We've won the Cup! We've won the -Bloody- Cup - WE WON THE--'_

A red spell whizzed past his right ear. _What on hell! _Surely Slytherin couldn't be that sore in defeat. Harry wheeled around, disentangled himself from his teammates who looked equally alarmed. And Harry's suspicions were confirmed, his eyes widened. The layers of mist parted revealing a seven burly looking Slytherin; each individual face contorted into look of anger. Malfoy's wand was pointed directly at him; he was panting heavily, barely distinguishable in the cataract of rainfall, but it was painfully clear; the hungry glint in his eyes. Another spell was already escalating towards them. And at once they scattered. Ginny's audible scream ringing through everyone's ears.

Harry accelerated; the wind whistling in his ears so that it drowned out the crowds gasp, he ducked the spell at the last possible moment and watched as it exploded on contact with the stands, igniting almost immediately. Harry paled considerably.

"_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MALFOY_?" Harry shouted over the snarl of the wind. But as he chanced another look back again, two jets of silver light flew pass his left ear: Four Slytherin's had broken away from the V-formation and were pursuing him, aiming for Harry's slim figure.

"The Dark Lord's bidding Potter!" He could hear the malicious inflection in Malfoy's tone and new the young Malfoy was not fooling about. He could visualize his cold smug face shining with precipitation, pointing his wand directly at him……

Harry swerved, but the Slytherin's were keeping up with his speedy Firebolt; more curses shot after him and Harry had to sink low on his broom to avoid them. Wriggling around, his own wand pulled out, he cried "Stupefy!" and a red bolt of light shot out from the top of his wand, cleaving a gap between the four pursuing Slytherin's as they scattered to avoid it. He had a split second relief, however more curses streaked passed him, the Slytherin's were closing in again. There was a loud 'ClUNK' from behind him and Harry knew a Bludger was whirling his way, vague and dangerous in the rainfall.

WHOOSH.

One of the Bludgers came streaking past Harry's right ear, hit by one of the gigantic Slytherin chaser. Next moment --

WHOOSH.

The second Bludger had scuffed Harry's elbow sending him slightly askew and throwing him completely off guard. The other Slytherin was closing in from the opposite side.

Harry had a fleeting glimpse the emerald cladded Slytherin's zooming towards him, purloined clubs raised -

He wrenched his Firebolt upwards at the last possible second, and the Chaser collided together with a sickening crunch.

"Ha haaaa!" Cheered Harry into the rain, as the Slytherin chasers jumped away from each other, groping their heads. From below Malfoy made an odd noise of anger, somewhere between a growl and a gurgle. Harry spurted off, grinning from ear to ear which instantly disappeared...

There was an unmistakable bellowing roar, dragon fire burst from Malfoy's wand, white-hot and blue, Harry swore loudly, he had to swerve out of sight to avoid the deadly trail of flame and at the same time felt his broom sway ominously; It wooden tail had splintered with the force of the acceleration. Harry was thrown flat on his back by the surge of speed; the broom was starting to twist out of his control disturbing the Firebolt's agile slipstream, the 

storm not helping in the slightest. He was as good as a sitting duck, swaying wildly, being thrown from side to side as he fought for control.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Gryffindor team were not faring well, Harry had only brought his wand to the Quidditch match out of force of habit, the others had not and from the corner of his eyes he watched them as they ducked and dodged incoming curses; Ginny and Alicia was being chased by the thugs, Crabbe and Goyle, who were swinging their beater bats viciously, looking like overgrown Apes that were thoroughly enjoying themselves. Ron was supporting a bloody nose and trying in vain to help Damelza who was so close to being hit by a torrent of dark curses, her sodden robes were singed. Coote and Peakes had managed to knock out Montague between the themselves and did not looked the least bit fazed when he slid of his broom unconsciously, falling with a sickening 'thud' on the pitch below and had proceeded to help their other team member out by sneak attacks with the clubs swinging dangerously: The head a new bludger.

The sky was ablaze with curses and dark spells, like colorful fireworks display, and below the students and teacher could only watch helpless as the Slytherin's continued to attack, not daring to lift their own wands in case they accidently shot an innocent Gryffindor.

Barely recovered from his recent brush with white-hot death, Harry clamped his hands forcefully on his broom handle and thrust himself upwards. Crabbe and Goyle yelped as Harry came hurtling towards them, bursting out from a veil of fog. The broomstick zoomed forwards; Harry glimpsed green and silver Slytherin's scatter as he blasted through, breaking up there chase. Harry shot another spell over his back– there was a loud cream and he knew he had hit a mark.

The three Slytherin's still pursuing Harry relentlessly responded with further dark curses that barely missed. From below an agile Malfoy swooped and screamed; the maddest and most determined of the throng; his wand expelling a strange silver curse, just as the Slytherin Warrington shot his own spell; Red and silver merged in mid-air, showering the sky with multi-colored sparks. The spell from Warrington's wand was fueling on Malfoy's, and as the lethal looking spell barreled towards Harry, he thought wildly of pinwheels.

The silvery-red spell hit Harry squarely in the small of the back.

There was a deafening bang on collision; Harry sped forwards his eyes watering slightly, propelled by the impetus of the fused spell, his broom started to lose height, and he began to fall with earnest, his Firebolt spiraling through air, he was completely out of control. There was a great roar from the crowd and he unintentionally rolled in mid-air; Harry gave a bellow of fear and tried to steer his broom into vertical drive. But it was no use. He was going to crash and there was nothing he could do about it, Harry had no idea which way was up or down, he had lost sense of where he was; rain pounding heavily on him, yells all around him and he was clinging onto the broomstick for dear life: his whole body was burning bizarrely, the effects of the merged spells no doubt; he expected to die in any second, but it never came instead something incredibly strange happened….

The very air before him split open into a swirling vortex like in the classical Muggle sci-fi movies.

There was a jerk as though an invisible lasso had hooked onto him and dragged him forward; Harry was instantly sucked into the vertical rip, he had the sensation he was flying the fastest he had ever flown, _backwards. _A blur of colors and shapes rushed past him; his fingers glued to the broomstick. He tried to yell but he couldn't hear his own voice, as if someone had turned off his volume button--

Seconds later but it felt like hour; Harry felt air beneath his feet. Still seated on his broom, still soaked to the bone, the scene resolved itself into a beautiful sun drenched day and Harry was surprised but greatly relieved to see Hogwarts, the ancient castle tucked away in the vast valley, surrounded by crumbling hills and on the far corner a dark twisted forest, where the tree's grew far too closely together; it fitted in with the Scottish panorama perfectly as though it would never be complete, if it was noticeably absent.

Harry felt the broom give a nasty lurch; everything suddenly forgotten, his scream died in his throat along with all the colorful words that Harry would use to describe this very moment; he was free falling through the air again, fast, his broom utterly out of control, his eyes watering, hair whipped back off his face. Around him the scenery blurred as he gained momentum. His legs jammed on either side of the broom were really sore and and starting to go numb. Faster and lower he nose-dived en route for the hard ground.

He groped his broom to break desperately as the the ground became rapidly closer and closer but with an ear-splitting, ground trembling crash, he smashed into a muddy fishpond.

--

Back in 1998 in the stadium highest tower a weathered looking man, in flamboyant purple robes, clasped his veined and knotted hands together like he was praying. He had a long colorless beard matted with rain and half-moon spectacles perched on the bridge of his crooked nose. Despite being renowned for being annoyingly calm during the most dangerous and serious of situations: Albus Dumbledore could not help but break away from that well worn tradition and think of a fitting word for the current situation. He closed his eyes tiredly and massaged the bridge of his nose.

'Crap'

--

He was lying on his back in the muddy pond, if someone had spotted him from afar he would have looked like a normal student who was simply enjoying the morning, bathing in the pond water reveling the sun's warmth on his aching body, but _he_ wasn't.

Struggling to draw breath in lungs that felt flattened beyond repair, Harry blinked the setting around him into a drunk man's focus and attempted to raise himself out of the debris of broken wood and tangle of scarlet robes that surrounded him; his hands sank inches into the muddy water as he tried with a great difficulty to stand on his feet. Harry's head was swimming; He couldn't understand what had happened; the ambush on Gryffindor (By those dirty, rotten, Slytherin's) and what Malfoy's fused spell had done to him and why Hogwart was here but with deliberate mistakes; The weather was boiling, vast and clear blue as though it had never rained a single drop in years, the forest looked younger and less darker, and even the massive castle looked different somehow but he could not put his finger on it.

He trailed off, his head beginning to throb due to, too much thinking.

Something hot and wet was oozing down his chin from his perspiring forehead. He inched out out of the pond and staggered towards a familiar clearing that he had walked on a thousand times, feeling extremely lightheaded and exhausted; he began the long and wobbly walk to professor Dumbledore office, hopefully his headmaster would be able to shed light on his situation. As he walked, with a giddy sway, he employed a few of his uncle Vernon's favorite and most revered swearwords, cursing Malfoy and cursing his luck loudly to pass the time.

He was still wearing his Quidditch gear, wringing wet, limp and charred from the match, torn and muddied from the crash...he looked like he had just come out of a swimming pool...filled with sharks.

--

Lily Evan's was fuming. This was not new under any circumstance, especially when a certain group of boys (Especially one boy particular) were within a 100 feet of her, but today she was incensed more so then usual, her hair even resembled a fiery halo. And of course _he_ and his _Marauder_ pals were involved somehow. They were always involved. And that was why no one in their right mind would dare approach the Head Girl with their maddeningly tiny problems when she was in one of these moods (Like the one she was in now, but somehow _worse_) and her sleeves were pushed up and her bulky book-bag was in reaching distance. _So they knew she meant business._

All they seemed to do way go out of their way to humiliate and annoy her.

And how else could she possibly explain the disappearance of her beloved diary.

Her diary!

_Missing!_

Her diary had gone _missing!_

Under no circumstances would a diary sprout legs and walk off with sudden inspiration to take a long nice walk around Hogwarts castle, even in the _magical_ world, and Lily had a funny feeling James Potter had it. All day he had been smirking at her; that smug smile plastered all over his arrogant _git_ face in Transfiguration (Her worse subject and ideally the best place to accidently transform James Potter into a sausage dog), grinning evilly over the top of his foul-smelling concoction in potions, the hissing steam making his hair more chaotic then normal (If possible) Non-stop grinning in Defense, which promptly stopped when she turned his beloved hair pink, but still even after that he was still smirking like he knew something that he shouldn't and she could tell he took enormous pride in that small detail and that irked her just a little.

So much so she _accidently_ thumped him in the nose. _Hard. _

Having put two and two together, Lily began a furious witch hunt for James Potter and his group of imbeciles. (Excluding Remus of course, but the boy was easily influenced)

Marching down the corridor her arms swinging back and forth like a pendulum, she set off in search of James _bloody _Potter, trying to glimpse his irritatingly messy hair from the crowd that helpfully parted like the red sea to make way for the Head Girl; She let out series of exaggerated moans.

_Stealing_ her dairy _and_ _failing_ to be presence for her unstoppable _wrath_

...she was _so_ going to thump him again.

And once more for good luck.

Ten minutes had gone by and just as Lily was about to give up on looking for the messy hair toerag (She was _hungry_ and would postpone his wrath for later) she spotted someone outside in the blinding sunlight, physically dragging himself towards the school. A certain someone with _messy_ hair. Smiling evilly to herself, she rubbed her palms together and swiftly made her way outside. _Dinner would just have to wait._

Meanwhile in the busy corridor, a head poked out from behind a stoic suit of armor and sighed in relief.

"She gone!" Proclaimed Peter Pettigrew loudly "Coast is clear. _Thank Merlin_" He added. (He would never admit it freely but Lily Evans scared the _bejeezus_ out of him) and on cue another head popped out from behind the suit of armor, a boy with long black hair, and insolent good looks, he made an amplified groan of relief.

"Thank-_bloody_-God, looks like you _royally _pissed Evan's off this time Prongs," Said Sirius Black, addressing a third boy who was struggling to poke his head out from the suit of armor (Later, Sirius proclaimed loudly it was his humongous head, Later James said it was his fat arse in the way) "Somehow Prongsie, I don't think you little diary plan going to work out"

Finally managing to squeeze his head through James Potter scowled and attempted to give his best mate the two-finger salute, but found it immensely difficult extracting his hand out from behind the shiny armor. "Bugger off! Padfoot, you never believe in me!" He inclined his handsome head upwards and stuck his tongue out shamelessly at Sirius. He, like his best friend, had black hair, though his was short, untidy and stuck up in all directions; he wore slightly askew glasses (Which in his opinion made him look like a rocket-scientist; And in Sirius's opinion made him look like a bush-baby) and a broad grin. The first boy; Peter Pettigrew had blonde hair, watery blue eyes and a bulging belly that grumbled precisely at that moment.

But Peter's belly rumbling was cut off, by the appearance of the fourth and final marauder. Remus Lupin pushed his long pale face through the immensely small gap his friends had left for him and fixed his friend with a stern look.

"I'm afraid, horrifically enough, that I may, have to agree with Padfoot on this one, Prong's it isn't one of you most brilliant plans," Remus shrugged apologetically at the outraged look on his friends face while Sirius grinned toothily above him.

"What is it _today_, pick on bloody James Potter day and _shite_ on all of his ideas—"

"Where do you think Evan's went?" Questioned Peter suddenly, cutting off James rant. Sirius cocked his head to the side thoughtfully, causing James to inhale a mouthful of hair.

"Dunno, library, bogs—"

"Let's go find out" Supplied James in an oddly high voice. The others stared at him on account of his sudden strange behavior.

"James just because you raise your voice like that, doesn't mean we going to be fooled into thinking it was a fifth invisible individual, if you want an excuse to stalk Evan's why don't you just say so," Said Sirius in a matter-of-factly-tone. James turned pink.

"Let's just go then," Said James gruffly, trying to avoid further conversation but as he made to wiggle free, he was impeded yet again by the Remus who spluttered incredulously.

"Do you want to give her an excuse, to hex you with three heads, Prongs—if she catches us were toast for sure—?"

James first and honest response would have been a wistful 'yes', any contact with Lily Evan's was surely a dream come true and damn she was sexy when she was mad. Remus however had already figured as much and began muttering darkly under his breath how 'idiotically stupid' James Potter was.

"Enough chit-chat! Get a move on, minions, we got to stalk us some Evan's" Boomed Sirius's voice from up above, soundly oddly Superhuman and he made a movement to burst through the amour, but this was a huge mistake. Suddenly all four boys girlish screams split the air and could be possibly heard through the other side of the school. The entire corridor watched as they all collapsed on to one another, sending the entire row of empty armor suits crashing to the floor with the odd domino effect, at the very end, the very last armor knocked a Slytherin to the floor and pinned him down painfully.

Simultaneously, forgetting the vast amount of abdominal and back pain they were in both Sirius and James punched the air "Score!" Clutching their belly to contain there laughter, they began to point and snort at the struggling Slytherin who looked like Turtle rocking on its shell.

"Lily's outside," Said Remus loudly, standing up and brushing himself off, all the while spotting the familiar redheaded hairline out of the window. He looked pointedly at the three Marauders' who were all laughing immaturely, at once James sobered up and thumped Sirius in the chest.

"Stop, pissing about _Sirius_" Said James childishly, glowering at his best mate. Sirius didn't take to kindly to James 'thump' and let out an enormous battle cry; he dived onto James and captured him in a fierce bear hug, that resulted with them rolling in the middle of the corridor, scratching and scrabbling at each other's faces.

"Oh _God!_" Remus groaned grabbing fistfuls of his sandy brown hair, on the verge of a mental breakdown as Sirius arrested James into a brutal headlock. Besides him Peter shook his head.

"It's amazing how we get anything done"

--

¾ of the way to Dumbledore's office! Harry inwardly congratulated himself, but stopped immediately feeling the fleeting urge to hurl. Gathering himself, he took two enormous strides and blinked. A red dot – growing rapidly larger – a blob with red hair – was marching directly at him.

Harry blinked again and jumped back startled, the red dot appeared suddenly in front of him in the form of a girl (How long had he blinked for?) a girl with fiery tresses and narrowed emerald eyes.

"Potter!"

"Ginny" He said stupidly, blinking. He looked away at once; the sun having just chosen that moment dazzle Harry's corneas with its vivid yellow rays.

"Ginny?" Inquired Lily shakily, barely concealing her sudden internal anger. "Ginny," She repeated with a hiss, her bottom lip trembling. _How dare he insult her so, making her feel cheap and unworthy of taking the time to remember her name_! She noticed James sway oddly and 

quickly right himself by spreading out his legs and elongating his arms in a deformed karate stance.

"Potter, are you drunk?" She questioned sharply, her latent Head girl duties kicking in.

"No" He said loudly, looking in the completely wrong direction while trying to address her. Lily looked unconvinced and then finally noticed his ragged state.

"What the hell happened to you, Potter?" Suppressing the caring inflection in her voice.

"Dunno" He responded thickly, he then looked at her properly for the first and stumbled back in alarm, waving his arms for added effect "Oh my _God_! Ginny your head been swallowed by an enormous carrot!"

"What!" Roared Lily, she bypassed pink and turned a violent shade of red that clashed horribly with her red hair. "I'll – Y-you are so dea, _Ginny_!—I'll _give_ you bloody CARROT'S POTTER!" She consulted her book bag strapped around her shoulder and heaved out her advanced potion study book, thick with notes from potions, she smiled evilly.

"Oh _Potter_," she sang sweetly, Harry looked around, spreading his arms out; expecting a hug and then screamed when a large book came out of nowhere, spilling with handwritten note, thumped him _hard_ on the side of the head, sending him rocketing in the opposite direction.

"OW! What the ruddy hell?—" Lily made for another swipe and Harry ducked, the book's sharp edge barely missing him by inches.

"CRAZY BITC—" The book collided with his head making a satisfying 'thunk' and he promptly collapsed on the floor. The sound of approaching footsteps made Lily jump back in fear and lob her 'advance copy of potion making' into the Black lake where it splashed audibly and sank like a stone, clearly an effective way of hiding the evidence.

"Lily!" Said Remus Disapprovingly, Lily wheeled around, her eyes shining innocently and stopped dead.

"Potter!" Lily gasped, pointing past Remus' shoulder, frantically from James to an unconscious Harry and back again until she found his voice. But Sirius found it first.

"Yes, Evan's you had just wailed on a totally innocent bystander...How _totally_ marauder!" Sirius nodded clearly impressed and poked the lifeless form with his wand. "Did you kill him?" When Lily made no indication to answer Sirius; still trying to process what she had just done, Sirius jumped to his own conclusion.

"Oh good grief, you did killed him didn't you!—Oh _god, _Oh_ god, _Oh_ god_—Okay hears what were going to do— Peter go get a shovel! Evante Minion! And Evan's you're going to to feed him to the squid—"Sirius started to hyperventilate; heavy panting breathes that did look like they were subsiding anytime soon. "Oh_ god_, Oh _god_, Oh _god_, Oh _go_—MU_RDEEEER_"

"Shutup Padfoot!" Scolded Remus, rubbing his temple vigourously in a sorry attempt to relieve his oncoming headache.

"He's not dead Black!" Said Lily angrily "...I think" She squeaked, she rounded on James who smiled brilliantly and winked saucily.

"Are you sure that ain't you Potter?" She looked at him suspiciously, bulging her eyes out a bit to detect any note of lying in his voice.

James seriously seemed to consider this and beside him Remus shot him an 'Are-you-mental-look'. After what seemed like a considerate amount of time her shook his head. "Nope"

She had been afraid of that. She cringed.

"Bugger"

"...Hey guys where do you want this shovel?"

**A/N:**** Hope you enjoy! The next chapter will be up soon (**_**That is if you reveiw me- HAR HAR!**_**) It took me a day and a bit to churn out so I apologise for my sorry excuse of a chapter and all the **_**speeling erros.**_

**Review me! :) **_**cough-or-else-cough**_

**Peace,**

**BB**


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